What kind of goddess am I?

No, this isn’t one of those cheesy online quizzes where they explain how we’re all goddesses inside… Sure, metaphysically speaking, I get it. And when I’m feelin’ all radiant, snarkysparkly, or SacredEarthMotherish I can feel the Holy spirit shine on, but what about all those other times, all those other mes? The puny, crawly ones who aren’t so bright and shiney? Who slog along despondantly, or want to curl up in a crack under the bedcovers in a weepy little ball ’cause there’s no one to hold them and say: ‘It’s all gonna be OK?’ Or the mean, mad ones who just want to scream and lash out, hurt and break things?

I know there’s Kali energy for the really serious shit, but all the petty moods and moments, all the crappy little things, all the confusion, delusion and dissatisfactions, add up too and need some kind of eruption, burnt offerings, holy redemption, breakthrough-something to sizzle and crackle and flare, to ignite them, to burn through the whole clotted, tangled mass.

Meredith Brooks’ song ‘Bitch’ captures some of what I’m talking about:

‘I hate the world today
You’re so good to me
I know but I can’t change
tried to tell you but you look at me like maybe I’m an angel
underneath
innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how you’d be so confused
I don’t envy you
I’m a little bit of everything
all rolled into one

I’m a bitch, I’m a lover
I’m a child, I’m a mother
I’m a sinner, I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m your health, I’m your dream
I’m nothing in between
You know you wouldn’t want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean you’ll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
and I’m going to extremes
tomorrow I will change
and today won’t mean a thing

Just when you think you’ve got me figured out
the season’s already changing
I think it’s cool you do what you do
and don’t try to save me

I’m a bitch, I’m a tease
I’m a goddess on my knees
when you hurt, when you suffer
I’m your angel undercover
I’ve been numbed, I’m revived
can’t say I’m not alive
You know I wouldn’t want it any other way.’

Well, I’m certainly alive, that’s fer sure*rueful grin*. So, for this week of my life, I offer up my most heartfelt prayers to the supraliminal Goddess of Crappy Little Things.

Burn baby burn!

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