breakingsod.com

I think my brain really did asplode from too much stress! This morning I got up all sleepy-headed, made Sam’s lunch and drove him to the bustop, merrily sent him off to school and-

-it wasn’t ’til his dad showed up to take him to his dentist appointment that I remembered this was one of the weeks I was supposed to keep him home on wednesday morning!

Gah!

I haven’t felt so dumbassedy embarrassed in a long time. Bleargh.

Seriously, I’m psyched to have a gallery show and it’s going to be a super lovely opening with all kinds of wonderful performances and yummy food and the paintings look so nice now that they’re hung.. but man, am I a stressball! It will be good to have it all done, done, done.

Sunday is the big day. Then I need a week of nothing. A week to just fizzle out and not have to remember anything, plan anything, photoshop anything, type anything, create anything..

Keep your fingers crossed, OK? I don’t want anything else major to slip through the cracks of my overwhelm.

It’s s’posed to be spring already for God’s sake!

Got off work a little early, happy to be able to walk back to my car(I parked a zillion miles away for my walking pleasure) in the light… and got slapped chilly for my pains by the nasty sleety rains.

Sigh.

Oh well, at least I wasn’t locked out when I got home. Like yesterday. When my housemate’s main squeeze, Jim, forgot we don’t possess a key to the lower lock on the front door.

Luckily, Molly came home as Sam and I were prying the screen off of Sophie’s window and betwixt the three of us, we broke and entered. Sam did an excellent job of scrambling up Molly(no boots in the face) and popping in the window(without crashing any of Sophie’s knick knacks) and unlocking our front door(yayz!).

Jim however, is in deep, as this is NOT the first time he’s remembered to lock, but forgotten which lock NOT to lock.

Sick, sick, sick.

Better then yesterday though. At least I was actually able to eat something today-and it didn’t come back up! And I’m not camped out on the bathroom floor debating the merits of puking-as opposed to trying to live with that horrible, belly-churning, need-to-puke feeling.

So things are looking up.

Sam got sent home early from school today on account of the flood, so we celebrated by going to the Beaver park with BB to check out the crazyass torrents.

It was incredible-the paths were rivers, the sandpits lakes and the river? The river was a raging, gorgeous force of Nature.

It was so cool.

Pics here.

just wants to crawl under a coffee cup and hide until the world doesn’t suck anymore.

I am so pathetically devoid of geek skilz-sorry for all the futzing around tonight.

I finally decided to update Wordpress after 2 years of Breakingsod and even with my friend Jeff running the show, we still managed to break it a few times-Thanks Jeff, for hanging in there and getting the header back!

Now if only there was something I could do about the butt-ugly textbox background colors.

DOH! Sam just pointed out that my ‘Love wields a shovel’ tagline disappeared too!

Sigh. At least it’s working!

I came home today, laden with boxes of freshly-picked blueberries, to an unexpected disaster zone in my bedroom! My altar crushed beneath a small mountain of books, crystals and trinkets. The bookshelf nailed to the wall above had finally succumbed to the weighty wisdom of my collection of dharma books. Must’ve been some humonguous CRASH when that came down! Come to think of it though, if thirty-two dharma books fall on a shrine and no one is there to hear it…

I’d just been thinking recently that my shrine was looking dusty… I guess the dakinis thought so too! I must have had some merit amongst all that laziness though, ‘cuz they had mercy and only broke one small piece off of one of the many pretty glass, ceramic and crystal objects strewn helter skelter all over the floor.

So, today is all about blueberry delight and rearranging my room to make space for the sacred.

The blueberrification was entirely unexpected-this morning I took my car in to see Lope, my awesome new mechanic, a very friendly, articulate, expansive fellow. Sam was with me and we soon found ourselves gifted with a bag of blueberries and fresh blueberry watermelon smoothies as he told us all about this amazing U Pic blueberry farm he’d discovered out in Shohomish. Then it turned out, his wife wanted to go out there and load up again, so we joined forces and off we went!

It was so luscious-the plants were loaded with gorgeous, freshly rain-washed, immense berries and we bought a three dollar honey bear(from the hives overlooking the blueberry meadow) to go with. On the way home, I couldn’t resist popping by our local Javasti(crepe an’ coffee cafe) and having them crepe up some of our berries for lunch.

Mmmmmm…….

The nicely chatty farmer couple also gave us a stack o’ recipes for our eighteen pounds of fatties.

Blueberry crumble bar time!

That explains the hypercallifragillistic insomnia last night. Pffff…

And I don’t know who or what will emerge from the shredded husk.

SO tired. Damn insomnia last night, just could not sleep no matter how long I laid there with my eyes closed, how perfectly I attempted to relax and release my thoughts. Now I’m practically sleeping through work.

Massage, zzzzzzz, massage, zzzzzzzz, massagzzzzzzzzzzzz-

Gah.

I guess p’raps I’d better take a break from Murakami and his bizarre otherworlds, psychospiritual rambles and gruesome flaying torture scenes(really, Haruki, MUST you?-could you not bring your excellent, potent storylines to their exquisite pinnacle without such visceral viciousness?!). The fluidity of reality and magic, the vivid display of people’s tiny little worlds and the vaster flow beneath them, comes a little too close to my own vision, my artistic rendering of life as a Zan and begins to make me wonder which world I’m in, which world I WANT to be in.

Or maybe it was just the chocolate bars. Mmmm.. Dark, dark chocolate yumminess with sour cherries and medium dark chocolate with ginger chunks-the two contrasting and melting together so nicely I didn’t want to stop comparing them. Ever.

Eventually, inevitably, I was left with nothing but the amazing maze of thunking thoughts crunching and crinkling in my head all night despite my most profound desire to obliterate them into nothingness and succumb to sweet, sweet sleep.

‘cuz it seems to be screeching and flopping about on the wrong side of reality tonight.

Or maybe it’s that moon, almost full, round as an eyeball, staring at me. Vexed by it’s blank innocence, I’m wondering, what the hell is it for, this chemical maelstrom swirling in my head tonight?-did some ancient, cruel, preadolescent gods get tired of pulling the wings off prehistoric flies and turn to humankind(shuffling sleepily out of their caves and scratching their unsuspecting, hairy, troglodyte scalps)… Do we amuse them still? Pricking the arrows of love hither and yon, matching us so perfectly, yet so cleverly not- off just a hair, just a puny, impossibly itchy, erratic, hairsbreadth that somehow ruins it all.

And still, even forewarned, lessons earned and learned, still the twitching, twanging, stupid, plangent pulse of love rings louder than any sensible suggestion or hardwon wisdom ever could.