First of all, I do not admit to any (conscious)responsibliity for the contents of my dreams, they are entirely the result of my subconscious world, my weird lurking childhood memories, subliminal cultural messages absorbed from movies/books, and the whims of any spirit guides who like to put their two cents in now and then when the lights go out and the rzanimal enters dreamtime.

So, there I was peacefully sleeping when the adventure began:

The setting was a towering catacombs/labyrinth/castle structure. My girlfriend and I were the unwilling guests of the vampires who lived there. There was no way in or out except to fly off the ramparts. Looking over the edge was dizzying, so high up were we, the forested hills and valleys below looked tiny.

The Lord of the vampire clan was gorgeous, darkly regal, svelte(of course, it goes with the job title, I'm sure)malevolently evil and entirely TOO friendly. He kept attempting to get Marge(my friend) to give herself up to him. She was no dummy, however and avoided him deftly with the wit and mental control of a jedi.

Her powers grew. I stood at the parapet. We were talking and suddenly, she was flying! Broomstick between her thighs, she made her escape. I was amazed, I rejoiced, and then, as she disappeared in the distance, I heard the hissing angry vampires closing in around me, and then, I realized in horror, her escape meant I was now alone, the only tender human morsel amongst the whole undead lot of them!

The vampire Lord now turned his slimey charms on me along with his underlings. They tried many different tricks, sometimes appearing as sweet harmless old ladies who came to comfort me, soothing and patting, or as tender little children offering loving hugs... But I was not deceived, although my mind was effected by their powers so that I couldn't quite think straight, I always managed to perceive the wicked gleam in their wide innocent eyes and evade the caress that would have turned into a bite out of my neck.

So I guess I had some witchy powers too. I even worked out a pretty clever escape plan. I leaned out over the edge of the parapet, waiting for the two young vampires who were watching me to close in. Sure enough, they did so, coming up on either side of me. Quick as a flash, I shoved off, grabbing a hold of their flailing legs as they summoned their fledgling flight powers. As I had hoped, they were only powerful enough to keep us aloft. Elated, I managed to steer us out over the trees towards the lake. That was my mistake.

I thought I could leap into the water and swim away as they struggled to get their bearings in the foreign element. I leaped and began to swim, but the monsters metamorphasized(how the heck do you spell that?) as they entered the water. They grew webbed appendages, sharklike fins, and nasty sawtoothed mouths. They hounded me, biting and grabbing. It was too much. I gave up and let them take me prisoner again.

Back at the catacombs, the Lord chastised me, but before he could punish me, Marge flew back in. I was saved! I ran to her, but stopped short. I was repulsed by her aura of power. I saw her smile a little half smile that twisted up at the corner. The look in her eyes was potent, a wee bit hellish and frankly, scared the SHIT out of me.

Which was worse, witch or vampire? Who would I choose?

Alas, we will never know, I woke up.

Well, that took a while to write out. I guess I don't have time to tell y'all about the giant baboon creatures that I tried to communicate with(unsuccessfully)in my next dream. More scarey shit. Is it a full moon or something?