...still half in dreamtime, I waited for the muffled thud of Sammy sliding down from his bunk, the little footsteps, the creak of the door, the sleepy befuddled look in his blue blue eyes, his angel-blond head all sleep-mussed as he peers under the covers to find mama.

It's one of my favorite times of the day. He climbs in bed with me all soft and cuddly and we just love each other up. He likes to say: "Mama cute! Cutie yittle mama." and I reply: "Cutie little Sam".

It took me a long moment to realize that he wasn't coming, that he wasn't there.

Now that Jonathan and I have finally signed and filed our papers, Sam will be at his papas 3 days a week, going to full halftime in March.

It's good to have things settled, legal bullshit over with. I hope that this will be a good arrangement for all of us. I pray that it will be good for Sam. Surely it will be better than continuing the hideous struggle. He has two parents who love him, two good homes to live in.

I will miss him though. I know I should look at the positive side. I will have more adult time. Time for schoolwork, for practice massage, time to find a job, earn a living, time for artwork...

My Samadhi, I love you so. May your life be blessed, may both your homes be full of love, discovery, learning, play, music, creativity, joy and peace.