You know, people say that new years is silly, that every day is really a new year, but I must admit, it's one of my favorite holidays. I know it's only a conceptual thing, just another little box on the calendar, but something about the idea of having a whole new year, a fresh start, is very exciting to me.

It's nice to look back at the 'old' year, see all the shit that's gone down-and all the good things, too-and let go of it. To open up that new calendar, all fresh and blank, looking forward to all the adventures life will bring this year.

My friend and classmate, Jessica accompanied me to the beach and we did a little ceremony to celebrate letting go. I find, as I get older, my ceremonies are becoming a lot less fancy. This one was pretty concise.

I've had this broken angel sitting on my sculpture display stand in my house for over a year now. I made her as a sort of therapy work about the pain I was experiencing from a chronic back injury. The image of an angel with a crippled wing kept coming into my head. Physically, I felt all twisted, like I had a big, painful rock lodged by my right shoulderblade, and it seemed to be pulling the rest of me out of alignment too, my left lower ribs hurt, like they were jutting out of my chest. I was also really ill from candidiasis(exhausted, skeletal, irritated and depressed)and my TMJ(jaw)disorder was really acting up-all in all, I just felt like a WRECK!

So I put it all into this sculpture. My mom did a video of me kneeling so that I'd have a model to work from, all angles. That was super, I find my scultures always come out so much better when I have a real model to work with.

So she's a martyred angel, kneeling, head bent back in agony and exhaustion. Her right wing is pierced by multiple spikes that jut from her own body, crippling it. Her left floating ribs are exposed, sticking out cagelike from beneath her breast. Small birds entrapped within attempt escape. Spikes also impale her jaw and tailbone.

I didn't glaze her, just left her that pure, unfinished white of bisqueware clay. Her wing broke several times in transport from one house to another. Then Caras kittens decided the tall glass shelves of my display were a wonderous playground. They sent her crashing down onto my guardian wolf(who luckily just got a bit dinged), she lost her nose, toes and more wing.

Since she seemed destined for destruction, I decided to send her off with the honor and ceremony she deserved rather than just letting her get banged to pieces by mischievious kittens.

So, Jess and I had our little ritual, even though the candles kept blowing out, on the pebble strewn beach down by Magnuson park. After saying what we had to say, I took off my pants and waded out into the freezing cold lake water(it's shallow there, so I had to go out a ways). Almost waist deep, I raised the angel up, let out a wild scream, and threw her as far as I could.

I watched the water bubble, closing over her, then she was gone.

It felt grand.