I went for my third bodywork session today since my freaky not-a-heart-attack. I still don't know what's causing the pain and breathlessness in my chest. We've definately identified some very very tight muscles, mainly my psoases(psoasi?). The psoas is a major hip flexor and runs from the ribs, deep through the abdomen to the femur-the large, upper leg bone. Also in the complaint department are my adductors-inner thigh muscles that move the legs inward.

It's been a particularly bad week, my left ribs felt like they were clawing into my guts, as though pulled by a bungiecord hook. My digestion has gone on strike. No matter what innocuous food I eat, it all gets tied up into a knotty, gassy mess somewhere in the loopy labyrinth of my intestines.

No fun.

It's really depressing, not knowing what's wrong or what to do to make it right. It's taking a toll on me and on my family too, as my mood reflects the tangle inside me-or perhaps the tangle inside me reflects my moods, indeed it seems to writhe and tighten perilously when I'm upset. Poor Daniel, working so hard to keep up with the demanding development schedules of his newly fledged home business. It must be rough to have his girlfriend so needy and demanding right now. He can hardly get a videogame in without me freaking out on him for not spending that precious 'free' time with me. Love can be pretty goddamn hard work.

The bodyworksession was intense. Scott(who was Daniels teacher when he went to Brenneke nigh on a millenium ago) started with some foot work as I stood next to the table. About ten minutes in I started to feel sick and had to lie down. He had been working on the kidney, bladder and gall bladder meridians and he said the nauseous feeling was probably my gall bladder releasing. It certainly felt pretty toxic. My right psoas was pretty much glued to the adductors and it was all I could do not to scream as Scott worked it loose. The psoas on the left definately felt like a tootight bungiecord when he so gently, yet so painfully, dug into it. He thinks my hip muscles are all wound up and it may be that they are pulling at my unhappy ribs. Plus, if your gall bladder shuts down so does your digestion and thus, the havoc in my tummy.

He also asked if I had any major frustrations in my life. Major frustrations?! How about not knowing what the fuck is wrong with me? Or having graduated 3 months ago and still not having a job? Not to mention the ever tense situation with my ex(Sams dad) or the struggle to balance relationship time/business time/self time with D.

Gaaaarrrrrrhackhhh(the sound of ultimate frustration).

Yeah, perhaps frustration has something to do with all this tension in me. So what do I do? Somehow what springs to mind is a nice hot bubbly hot tub. Man have I been craving hot tub time lately.

Oh and Scott said I'm supposed to take flax oil(for gall bladder support) and do some dancing to loosen and create more flexibility in my hips.

Guess I better slap Prince in the ol' CD slot... Or maybe Foofighters? A little birdie told me they just released their version of 'Darling Nikki'-the perfect song for a little bootie grinding.