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 July 06, 2004
clean and empty
Trying to reclaim the house. Trying to deal. Putting new pictures up on the wall. Sleeping in the new bed. Sorting stuff. Weeding the garden. Doing laundry, compulsively cleaning. It all looks so nice and clean and horribly, horribly neat and empty. I miss him, so much. Sam misses him. Even Kaya misses him, she's wandering around, looking nervous and pooping in places she shouldn't. I hate the clean, swept floor. I want his clutter and disorder and mischief back. I want his vibrant presence and his meat and his wild hair and his strong loving and his warm arms and chest at night. Yeah, I'm dealing. Really, I have stretches of time when I feel like it's OK, when I feel peaceful and capable and strong and creative... Jess and I harvested the garlic and sat in the sun braiding it. It felt good, although some of it had gone too long in the ground and rotted. People tell me time heals all wounds. Could someone fastforward, please? 
Sayeth rzan at
12:14 PM
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Sounds like there's some good chi. I'll ask around among the nerds at work to see if anyone has perfected a cosmic universal remote control. I had a heckuva time finding one for my dvd player... not sure if I'd trust ones that worked on the space-time continuum player thingie. :-)
on July 7, 2004 06:45 PM
Sounds like there's some good chi. I'll ask around among the nerds at work to see if anyone has perfected a cosmic universal remote control. I had a heckuva time finding one for my dvd player... not sure if I'd trust ones that worked on the space-time continuum player thingie. :-)
on July 7, 2004 06:46 PM
Sheesh. Didn't mean to say it twice. There are gremlins in my computer! Must sic the attack-cat upon them!
on July 7, 2004 06:47 PM
Yeah, I suppose it ain't good to fuck with the whole space-time continuum for just one wee sad girl, especially if there's gremlins about.
Go Paws of Death! Must be nice to have an attack cat. I just have an ashy worrycat. She needs a lot of petting.
I wish someone would come and pet me.
Maybe I'll be a cat in my next life.
Can I live with you?
on July 7, 2004 08:42 PM