The Palace of Loverzan Don't mess with the palace guardian.
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Enjoy your visit.
December 17, 2003
merry elfmas!

leafy elf

merrily hanging on

here's the back of the card.

we're off the Rockford. Have a sweet holidays y'all.

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 11:10 AM | Pipe Up! (8)
December 16, 2003
There's nothing like...

...PUSHING your car to the store to finish up the christmas shopping.

Especially when it's the night before you leave on an airplane to the ends of the earth(well, OK so it's just Rockford, IL but it feels like the ends of the earth 'cause you've never been there before and you've heard the rumors)the next day and you know you still have presents to wrap and all the packing to do and your man will probably be working ALL NIGHT LONG like he was last night(6:30 am is waaaaaaaay too late to be just coming to bed-poor boy) and so you're on your own and you can't even start all the stuff that needs doing until you figger out how you're going to get home-certainly not in your housemates fockinggobshite of a saturn that won't start that you had to borrow 'cause your rottencamelsbladder of a subaru wouldn't start in the first place.

So what if that was a longass runon sentence worthy of A A Milne, it's MY blog and if I wanna run on and on complaining, whining and moaning til I'm foaming at the mouth I damnfrickingwell will!

Well, believe it or not, I was feeling a mite testy tonight(did I mention my period started yesterday?)in fact I was beginning to growl a bit and felt kinda like smacking someone... So, in order to avoid snapping at my poor tired fiance, I challenged him to a swearing match-who could say: "CRAP!" best. I hedged my bets by betting he could and he could and so I won. heehee.

Then, still purely in the interests of diversion and avoiding carnal mayhem, I asked him what his favorite swear words were and found his answer rather boring, but he proceeded to enlighten me on all the amazing variations and excellent grammatical play that could be acheived with two such humble, prosaic four letter words. Not to mention the imaginative application of foreign accents.

I myself am all for creative swearing. Tho Daniel says "I wouldn't touch you with a naked molerats ass" isn't really swearing.


Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 11:23 PM | Pipe Up! (5)
December 11, 2003
my favorite bloodthirsty goddess

Sekhmet Mistress of Dread, mighty Destroyer and Healer, the Lion-headed Goddess of ancient Egypt really kicks ass.

When I'm frustrated by this world and its inhabitants, I sometimes imagine myself transformed, raining down the righteous wrath of Sekhmet, sweeping evildoers aside, trampling, rampaging, devouring in a glorious, voracious hurricane of vengeance.

When Ra, the great Sungod, looked down upon humanity, His creation, He found that they had begun to mock Him and to disobey His commandments. His anger was intense(never piss off a god) and He called upon His daughter, Sekhmet to teach the prideful and dissolute mortals a lesson.

The Goddess swept down on them, a ravening, bloodhungry Lioness. She massacred thousands upon thousands and was so carried away by the bloodlust of the killing that She would not be stopped.

Finally Ra had to resort to trickery. He ordered that huge vats of beer be made and mixed with pomagranite juice, which He had poured out on the fields of Her glorious slaughter while She slept. When the mighty Lioness awoke to resume the killing, She saw blood everywhere and drank deeply of it. She drank so much beer that it soothed Her wild spirit and She transformed back to Her peaceful form and returned to Ra.

I've always rather liked that little myth. It's kind of cool that She was also known as the Goddess of healers and Her priests were physicians. Her destruction was terrible, but just.

"Sekhmet's action is always the right, or 'appropriate action'. When She destroys it is an appropriate destruction or vengence. It is never chaotic or random. It is always what is needed at the time."

Hmmm... I've been feeling pretty growly lately... There may even be a roar coming...

Somebody might want to start brewing some pomagranite beer.

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 02:59 PM | Pipe Up! (5)
December 07, 2003
tribbles and ewoks

are alive and well and winning Best in Show in(you guessed it)California!

Credit for finding this ridiculously fluffy tidbit goes to Everything Burns where you can also find out how to be a smaller man than you actually are.

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 11:05 AM | Pipe Up! (6)
December 06, 2003
color me klingon

I always knew my fiance was a bit of a beastie, but his true klingon warrior nature was recently revealed to me when I chanced to glimpse his reflection in the silver water pitcher at Beths thanksgiving feast.

Ptah!!  What's this turkey and cranberries-bring me the beating heart of a raging Zarntiger!

You can see the whole shot at the Mirror Project.

Then his forehead exploded and he became a double-headed monster.

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 02:12 PM | Pipe Up! (10)
December 05, 2003
found it found it found it!

I found my beloved purple sparkly hat!

Hooray!I totally thought I'd lost it a few days ago when I went hot tubbing with Val.It was tucked all small and inconspicuous in the outside pocket of the bag I took with me that night. Wonder who did that?


Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 05:33 PM | Pipe Up! (3)

I went for my third bodywork session today since my freaky not-a-heart-attack. I still don't know what's causing the pain and breathlessness in my chest. We've definately identified some very very tight muscles, mainly my psoases(psoasi?). The psoas is a major hip flexor and runs from the ribs, deep through the abdomen to the femur-the large, upper leg bone. Also in the complaint department are my adductors-inner thigh muscles that move the legs inward.

It's been a particularly bad week, my left ribs felt like they were clawing into my guts, as though pulled by a bungiecord hook. My digestion has gone on strike. No matter what innocuous food I eat, it all gets tied up into a knotty, gassy mess somewhere in the loopy labyrinth of my intestines.

No fun.

It's really depressing, not knowing what's wrong or what to do to make it right. It's taking a toll on me and on my family too, as my mood reflects the tangle inside me-or perhaps the tangle inside me reflects my moods, indeed it seems to writhe and tighten perilously when I'm upset. Poor Daniel, working so hard to keep up with the demanding development schedules of his newly fledged home business. It must be rough to have his girlfriend so needy and demanding right now. He can hardly get a videogame in without me freaking out on him for not spending that precious 'free' time with me. Love can be pretty goddamn hard work.

The bodyworksession was intense. Scott(who was Daniels teacher when he went to Brenneke nigh on a millenium ago) started with some foot work as I stood next to the table. About ten minutes in I started to feel sick and had to lie down. He had been working on the kidney, bladder and gall bladder meridians and he said the nauseous feeling was probably my gall bladder releasing. It certainly felt pretty toxic. My right psoas was pretty much glued to the adductors and it was all I could do not to scream as Scott worked it loose. The psoas on the left definately felt like a tootight bungiecord when he so gently, yet so painfully, dug into it. He thinks my hip muscles are all wound up and it may be that they are pulling at my unhappy ribs. Plus, if your gall bladder shuts down so does your digestion and thus, the havoc in my tummy.

He also asked if I had any major frustrations in my life. Major frustrations?! How about not knowing what the fuck is wrong with me? Or having graduated 3 months ago and still not having a job? Not to mention the ever tense situation with my ex(Sams dad) or the struggle to balance relationship time/business time/self time with D.

Gaaaarrrrrrhackhhh(the sound of ultimate frustration).

Yeah, perhaps frustration has something to do with all this tension in me. So what do I do? Somehow what springs to mind is a nice hot bubbly hot tub. Man have I been craving hot tub time lately.

Oh and Scott said I'm supposed to take flax oil(for gall bladder support) and do some dancing to loosen and create more flexibility in my hips.

Guess I better slap Prince in the ol' CD slot... Or maybe Foofighters? A little birdie told me they just released their version of 'Darling Nikki'-the perfect song for a little bootie grinding.

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 05:12 PM | Pipe Up! (8)
I dream of whales.

A night full of extravagant dreaming. This is the only one I remember well:

I was walking down a rainslick highway with my sister Lyca. It wasn't cold, just very wet and the black asphalt gleamed, reflecting the lights like a magic mirror.

Everything seemed beautiful, rich in that pure, crystaline way that only occurs in dreams and perhaps a few precious waking moments of ones lifetime.

We crossed the street to a leafblown shoreline. Climbing down (a small but somewhat steep slope) amidst moss, wildly overgrown seagrass and drifts of oakleaves from the massive oaktrees that lined the highway above, we found ourselves on a rocky shoreline.

Lyca idly tossed an acorn down into the surging leafy flotsam below. A sleek head bobbed up to investigate. "An otter!" Delighted, we began to throw more acorns and soon we were playing catch with several of the mischievious creatures.

"Look!" Someone shouted. "A whale!"

I looked out over the bay. At first I saw nothing but cresting waves. Then a huge dark shape cut the water, rolling through the waves in a long long long smooth curve. It kept going for what seemed an immensely long time, curving down and down. Finally it vanished, then I saw the great tail break the waves in a magnificent glistening sweep, arc, wave, gone.

We stood dumbfounded. The humpback had been so close to us. I scrambled further down the edge despite treacherous footing on the rocky slope. The steep edge met the deep water abruptly. There was a bunch of floating objects, loosly lashed together. They looked like smooth cylindrical tanks with rounded edges. They were light grey and quite large. I wondered briefly what was in them, what they were for, before following my compulsion to follow the whale. I stepped out onto the first bobbing cylinder.

It bounced downwards and I braced myself for the shock of the cold ocean water, but it wasn't and I found I could hold my footing rather well if I moved with the surging of the waves. I reached the edge, the farthest cylinder and gasped as an impossibly gigantic blunt nose rose out of the water.

The whale, up close and personal.

It had obviously come to me just as I had come to it. I reached out and ran my hand along the top, feeling the rough barnacles and the smooth soft warm places-almost like a cows nose.

I called up to my sister joyously and I felt its warm, wet tongue lick my arm and hand in a vast wrapping squishysquoosh.

I woke to my arm cold outside the covers and the sound of rain and Daniels keyboard.

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 01:47 PM | Pipe Up! (2)
December 04, 2003

so so nice.

I spent the evening with my friend Val. We went to the Hothouse, an all womans spa on capitol hill. Talking, relaxing in the hottub, talking, sauna, talking, steam sauna, talking, foot massages... More talking... Dinner at a thai restaurant and to cap it off, yes, more talking...

We hadn't seen each other in ages. It was the best thing ever to catch up on our lives, share our woes, joys, desires. I didn't even mind too much when I discovered my favorite handknitted, sparkly purple wool hat went missing sometime during the evening. I hope whoever chances upon it loves it as much as I did. Maybe I'll get a new one from Mac at thegofish.

Girltime, there's really nothing like it.

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 12:00 AM | Pipe Up! (3)
December 01, 2003
jumping beans

My mom gave us a great thanksgiving present:





Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 02:09 PM | Pipe Up! (4)
Mountain dweller