April 23, 2004
note to self
big nasty fight with significant other = period about to start.
When am I going to remember that?
Everything just hurts so much more when the hormones are surging. It makes difficulties into tragedies and obstacles absolutely intolerable.
It's the ultimate in confusing... It's when I most need to be LOVED, but it's also when I'm the most prickly. It's when I most need a gentle, tender hand, but when I'm at my sharpest and roughest. It's when my body rages to be touched, clasped, held, fondled, ravaged! But by then the emotional damage is done and the cascading waves of whoremonal desire crash on the rocky bones of relationship stress and break apart... Then become sluggish, turgidly coallescing into brackish pools of rabid unfullfillment and dire loneliness.
I'd like to know whose bright idea this was. Huh, Goddess?
April 21, 2004
glorious girls nite out at the Olympus. a little bit of heaven in Tacoma(of all places).
So nice. Cara, Jezebel, Jess, Jen and my new friend Lydia all kicked it in the nude for an enchanted evening of soaking, saunaing, gossiping and laying about like queens in the amazing mud, herb, salt and jade rooms.
Holy Mama! It was simply wonderful. Nice to be able to loosely drape a robe around yourselves and traipse into a restaurant to order up a yummy bowl of seaweed soup, yakisoba and potstickers... Then meander back into the spa for some more lounging and soaking.
I'm ready for bed. I'll probably dream of steamy pools and glistening nudies...
Then it's up and at 'em for my first day of work tomorrow!
That's right, work. The JCC finally got back to me and I'm going in tomorrow. Two massages booked so far.
Wish me luck!
April 15, 2004
it's all about sex...
...Or is it?
Do men just want a good fuck, or are they really looking for a good woman?
"Girls, please hear me. Whether you believe it or not, no matter what a man says he wants, what he truly desires is a woman who is genuine, respectful, and loyal."
"Sorry, that doesn't get you to first base. It might sustain you in the post season and make or break a relationship, but I think the initial stages of every relationship revolve around strictly chemistry and biology in a dance of instinctive behavior that predates our species. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.
"So you're saying that the better the physical sex is, the less that genuineness, respect, and loyalty matter to a guy?
I don't buy it.
Actually, let me back up a bit. I believe all that could be true if the only thing the man is wanting from the woman is physical sex. But my argument (and really, this is the root of my whole opinion) is that the average man wants more than just a body cavity to fill. If that's NOT true, then I'd like to hear why so many men complain about the lack of quality and availability of women. "
Has Broad debunked and exhausted Antons provocative line of argument? Or will he be able to prove that men REALLY are just in it for the sex?
I can't wait to hear their next volley...
My own opinion?
Hmmm... I think the sexfactor crops up first, most of the time, but that doesn't necessarily make it of paramount importance.
It's just simply THERE, right up front and physical. There in their pants and in their minds, whenever they meet a woman, or even just see her jog past, breasts abouncing. The mental link between seeing a woman and fucking her(for straight boys, of course) seems inevitable and inexorable.
However, as primal and omnipresent as that connection may be, it's certainly not the end all, be all of a mans relationship to woman. At least, I hope not!
Most guys I know seem perfectly capable of seperating their urges from their reality and while good sex is a pretty vital component of a good relationship, it's not the only vital one...
Personally, I think men want BOTH. They want a good trustworthy woman who loves them, respects them AND fucks them like a wildwantonwetwillingwiggly(ever notice how many sexy words start with w?)hornyheadyhumpyhungry(and h?)temptingtitillatingteasingtorridtantillizingtoothsome(not to mention t, or s?)sinouossensuoussleekslicksalivatingsexysupercharged Tigress!
Sounds pretty good to me.
April 14, 2004
My dreams last night were filled with felines, great big ones.
I was walking through a party and talking to people. As I walked, I was startled to see a jaguar stalking majestically from the kitchen to the living room.
I complimented our new friends, Vir and Angela, on their amazing, jeweled, wraparound belts as the cat flowed by us. I was pretty captivated by the belts which depicted some sort of family crest pattern. Holding them up one by one to admire the intricate, irridescent beading of the designs, I discovered too late that Angelas wrap was broken in the middle, beads falling, falling, falling from it as I slid it from the table. I was dismayed and also more than a little bit agitated by the powerful predators presence amongst us.
I tried to gather all the beads together and returned them to her, then we started to walk outside. There were chairs and couches out by the fire and several young tigers lounged or leaped about amidst the human guests.
I was moving very slowly. It seemed appropriate behavior, surrounded as I was with huge carnivorous cats. I moved towards a chair and gasped as a gorgeous snow leopard pounced down right next to me. I was mesmerized by its softness, beauty and power. It looked directly into my eyes and I reached out in extreme slow motion to ruffle the fur around its head. The inscrutably potent look on its face told me nothing, I couldn't tell if those intense golden eyes radiated pleasure or anger. I felt that it could decide to bite me at any moment and yet I couldn't help but run my hand around its face and neck, caressing the thick, silver striped fur of its ears and jowls. I felt enchanted by some mysterious sensuous spell.
*Mrrrrrrroahhh!* Still gives me shivers to think about it.
dream, dream, dream
My boy Sammy has had some wild ones lately. Both times he woke up crying in the middle of the night and I went in to comfort him.
He was mostly asleep and had that sweet, angel-soft, fuzzy-headed, sleepy-eyed look that kids get(somehow when we grow up it's not as cute-we just look kind of crusty, red-eyed and fuzz-brained).
In the first, he was a woodcutter, an adult woodcutter who was being chased through a dark night by angry trees... Shades of Tolkein, I wonder if he's managed to listen in to some of the Entish goings on that Daniel and I have been reading about?
In the second he was out back in our big ol' terraced backyard climbing our little willow tree, but it was a super big willow tree in the dream and his father, Jonathan, was there-apparently he lived with us(this is a nightmare-right?)and Jonathan then went in the house and closed up the door, leaving Sam outside in the dark by himself... He was pretty scared.
Oh, and his best friend, Rowan also had the bright idea to tell him about some super huge kind of spider she heard about that supposedly jumps on you(this apparently was some kind of internet hoax).
So there he was dreaming dreams of being alone in the dark and thinking about dinnerplate size spiders jumping down at him... Poor kidlet.
Fortunately, it hasn't been too hard to comfort him lately. I think the effort I put into creating superhero kitty protection for him has paid off.
He's got these two stuffed kitties that he sleeps with and I drew a little book of them utilizing their superpowers(SuperFinderKitty and SuperProtectorKitty) to tackle the nightmare issues he deals with on a regular basis.
There's nothing they can't handle. The ocean waves whisk away his favorite lego boat? No problem, the kitties have a special trick bag that they can pull superamazing machines out of-they even have a submarine in there that SFK can use to retrieve lost legos even from the maw of a giant clam on the bottom of the ocean.
Scarey Jawas? Blammo! SPK blasts them to the distant planet of Cleanitup, where the nasty Starwars badguys must wash dirty dishes for centuries.
Now all I have to do is go in and help him figure out how his superkitties would handle it and all is well.
April 09, 2004
no more spam!
Hurray for MT Blacklist!
April 06, 2004
moaning and groaning
far too often these days I wake up feeling old and broken.
My bod hurts, my ribs askew, my belly all twisted up in mournful knots and I'm just so damn tired I don't even want to get up.
I'm thirty four and I feel like I'm eighty four!
I've tried various treatments and therapists, but so far nothing has hit the right spot. I don't even know what the right spot is. It's kind of demoralising.
My current doctors theory is that I have IBS(irritable bowel syndrome)which is really just sort of a wastebasket term for 'your belly hurts when you are stressed out' and some kind of musculoskelatal issue. She gave me the age old advice: Exercise, drink LOTS of water and avoid stress'.
Oh, look, there's some stress. No thanks, I don't want any today.
bitch, bitch, bitch.
April 01, 2004
I love my Neo-hippie!
projectile purple oatmeal
Sam stayed home from school on monday. He'd asked me to make oatmeal with blackberries for breakfast and by the time it was done, he was asleep on the couch! I knew he must be sick. He never naps in the daytime unless he's under the weather and he'd complained of a headache the night before.
So I kept him home from school. He woke up a bit and ate his oatmeal very sleepily, then I put him back to bed.
I was working on an art project when I heard a choked scream-and a very distressed "MAMAAAAA!".
I ran to his room and into HOLY BRIGHT PURPLE HELL!-the poor kidlet was sitting up in his bunk, dripping with vomitted blackberry oatmeal. He'd blasted it all over his pillow and bedding too.
It was terrible, but the carnage was so farflung and so... PURPLE, that Daniel and I had to try hard not to laugh.
Sam was a real trooper though. After that initial scream of anguish, he just sat there quietly over the barfbowl I brought him. He looked up at me calmly and said : "I don't like doing this, mama."
Sometimes that boy really steals my heart.