The Palace of Loverzan Don't mess with the palace guardian.
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Enjoy your visit.
December 25, 2004
In the Hands of the Buddha


Blessings to all,


Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 01:28 PM | Pipe Up! (1)
December 21, 2004
oh silent night

I'm recovering from a cold. The nasties are trying to get their little claws in my lungs, I can feel the slight rasping when I breathe, but with garden garlic as my allie, I'll beat 'em yet.

Sam actually read to ME this morning, since my voice was all gnarled up... It was sweet. We're on the last chapter of 'A Wind in the Door' , the second book of Madeleine L'Engles series. He says we have to save it for christmas, so we read Just SO Stories today instead. Kipling's a trip.

Solstice evening by myself, accompanied by copious cups of tea and wrapped in my new superextracozy blanket, I read the light away on this shortest day of the year.

Then, Chi Gong by the light of the christmas tree.

I absolutely LOVE being alone in the dark with the glorious glow of my christmas tree. When I was a wee babe I'd sneak out to watch it, even fall asleep under it.

I've never been christian, but there's definately a feeling of sacred space about the tree, magic...

They say the christians borrowed the tradition, or redressed it, from pagan origins.

The sacred tree.

I'll have to set up the bed out there so Sam and I can fall asleep to it christmas eve.

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 11:21 PM | Pipe Up! (0)
December 18, 2004
willow's solstice dance


Merry solstice everyone! Sam and I raked leaves today to bed down our baby garlics-they're already 6 inches tall, some of them.

Soon, so soon, the days will be getting longer...


Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 07:30 PM | Pipe Up! (0)
December 16, 2004
Journey to beaverpark, part 2


When it rains hard and long, we come here and kneel down as if to worship Mecca.


We lay down on this recycled plastic grate.


We peek through the holes.


Beneath, the floodwaters froth and whirl down a huge pipehole into the drainage system.


It's beautiful, wild and noisy and we usually SCREAM at the top of our lungs, letting it all out, down into the water, down into the earth.


It's a rainyday ritual.

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 10:52 PM | Pipe Up! (2)
December 15, 2004
I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I DID IT!!!

I finally, finally got my license!

It's been an arduous journey. I've always been terrified of driving, as long as I can remember... Possibly 'cause of an horrific accident when I was 9 years old(which is about as far back as I can remember), my whole family was in the car and we were hit from behind by a drunk driver. My sis and I got knocked out by our heads hitting the windows. I remember lying in the bloody snow with my moms winter jacket wrapped around me. I remember the surreal ambulance ride to the hospital and I remember the long strips of scab peeling away from my head as the wounds healed.

Or maybe it's just 'cause careening around at high speeds in a chunk of metal and plastic with who knows who else also zooming about just seems stupid and dangerous.

But, damn it, it's convenient, especially on these coldass wet Seattleriffic nights.

Anyhoo, I had to take the freakin' test 3 times, they kept getting me on not signalling(when pulling over to the curb) and not looking completely over my shoulder.............. Picky bastidges.

It's good to be legal.

A heartfelt thanks to my driving teachers, 'specially Sharon and Krista and Holly, for taking time outta their busy, busy lives(not to mention risking their lives in my utterly inexperienced hands) to help me prepare, to my roomie for sacrificing her precious saturday sleepin to wait in vain with me for a standby drive test, to my friendly neighborhood goat for bringing us gourmet snacks while waiting all day, and to my mama and son for taking me to the test-twice and celebrating with me today!

Wow, I think that checks off all the major items on my summer list-new home-got it, new job-got it, learn to drive-did it, get my license-yup!

What am I gonna do now?

Maybe I'll fly to Latvia-I hear they have some awesome goddess sculptures there.


Man, what a relief, yo.

I was near to puking with nervous tension this morning, going in for my third test.

It's good to be legal-did I say that already?

Now I just need to get insurance... and fix Dakinis floor leak... and finish xmas chopping...

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 07:43 PM | Pipe Up! (2)
alright then,

that's quite enough of the incongruous post midnight blogifications.


Sleep, please.

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 02:29 AM | Pipe Up! (0)
a journey to beaverpark


It was a super-rainy day, I couldn't resist taking Sam(and my new digital camera) to our favorite little neighborhood park.


The dark thingy next to him poking thru the fence is the beaver lodge.


We crossed the bridge and went to 'our' bend in the creek. It's ours, 'cause we've spent so many many days there, ever since Sam was a wee one and I a new, untried, lonely young mother. That bend's got years of our splashing, playing, laughing, crying all over it...




Then Sam flew away.

To be continued...

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 02:12 AM | Pipe Up! (0)
don't tell me I'm beautiful...

I've heard that one so many times. It might bring a smile to my-exquisite, did you say?- face, but it won't get you in my pants.

I don't care how fat your wallet is or if your cock works like a well-oiled piston, I don't care if your muscles ripple when you work or if you have more brains than Einstein... It won't get me on my knees.

I don't want to hear you expound on your spiritual beliefs-all the sermons, goddess rap, yogic rapture and bodhisattvic rhapsodies in the world won't keep you whole in a world that's fallen apart-it doesn't turn me on when you SAY you're authentic, honest, trustworthy-DO it!

Show me who you are before you try to fuck me into believing your story. I want to know! I'm not here to play games, to be coy, to distract, briefly, blindly... I want to see, to know what you really want, who you really are.

Don't you want to know?

It might be dangerous, to go beneath the flesh, see, touch, feel more than the temptation, more than just my soft breasts, warm ass, hot core...

It might even hurt you, scare you, make you mad.

It might even drive you mad, drive you away.

But if you don't try, you'll never know.

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 01:53 AM | Pipe Up! (0)
December 14, 2004
burning technology

just burned my first CD mix ever! It's a gift for my sis-she's having boy problems-so I tossed in a lotta firey woman songs, like Shadowboxer, lotsa Fiona Apple, some Nina Simone(Funkier than a mosquitos's Tweeter-one of my alltime faves), Neko Case(Runnin' outta Fools), Suzanne Vega(When Heroes go down and Rock in my pocket) and I threw in a little Erin Mckeown, to lighten things up a bit(Slung lo).

I wrapped it up with Nina, I Shall be Released.

That should do the trick...

Hmmm... Looks like Sam's done mopping, better go get him set up with his next job...

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 01:01 PM | Pipe Up! (0)
I can see the trees in the windows in your eyes...

Sam said this morning. He'd just opened his own eyes, all snuggled in bed and looked at me, long and sweet like he sometimes does.

He's busy mopping the kitchen right now, to earn some christmas cash. He spent all the money he had on gifts for Rowan and Daniel... Now he's got a chore list to earn enough to buy gifts for the rest of his peeps.

He's actually having a lot of fun-he likes big messy jobs.


Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 12:50 PM | Pipe Up! (0)
December 10, 2004
beautiful blanket bonding

love that snuggley girl

Rebecca and I went out to Whidbey Island... My friend Stacy had her annual xmas barterday. It was sweet, I traded some(4!) of my handcarved rattles for this gorgeousohsosoftnsnuggly blanket and terrific new hat. Woven by Molly, with whom I've traded in the past-my famous purple sparkly hat is a Molly original-I told her we're going to fill up each others houses with our art!

It was really nice to spend ferrytime with my new housemate. The more I get to know her, the more I think she's a keeper.


Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 03:55 PM | Pipe Up! (0)
December 07, 2004
snowfall buddha

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

Sam's hoping for snow, maybe buddha can help.

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 06:18 PM | Pipe Up! (0)
poof! Who rubbed the magic lantern?

What is your command, master?

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 06:14 PM | Pipe Up! (0)
December 06, 2004
why can't I sleep like this?


OK, enough of the midnight photoshop...

'nite, folks.

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 03:41 AM | Pipe Up! (1)
in which Zan encounters the bug-eyed monster


Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 03:27 AM | Pipe Up! (0)

any of y'all(my handful of loyal readers out there, plus all you poor sods who've stumbled into this distant corner of blogdom on your way to dooce or izzlepfaff)have any remedies for sleeplessness?

'cause, man oh man, do I ever have insomnia down pat.

Slurp(my bedtime tea).

Melatonin isn't doing squat for me. Baths are nice, but the water bills would kill us if I tried it every night.

Warm milk? More turkey? Banging my head against the wall? Nope, no good, I've tried all those...

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 02:56 AM | Pipe Up! (2)
Again, with the no sleep, Lord?

and God spake(from the obnoxious glare of the freaky neighbor lady's brilliant yardlight):

'Cease thy tossing and turning and fretting and self-massage, my child. Rise up, gird thy loins and get thee to the bloggery!'

"But... Oh Almighty Luminescent One, it's getting on to three of the clock and I must take my son to school in the morning..."

The beacon blazes: 'Bloggery waits for no man! GIRD THY LOINS!'

"Um... I'm not a man, do women even have loins?"

The glare becomes blinding... "OK, OK, I have loins! I'm girding, I'm girding... Will a shawl do? What the heck-oops, sorry, lord- is so urgent anyway, what must I um, bloggeth about?"

The light fades, the screen is blank, black.

Here am I, enshawled, chin on my knobbly knees, wondering at the capriciousness of the Powers that be.

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 02:41 AM | Pipe Up! (2)
December 05, 2004
gradient madness


Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 06:31 PM | Pipe Up! (0)
fun with fishies

big fish, little fish, swimmin' in the water...

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 06:28 PM | Pipe Up! (0)
messin' around with my new tools...

Christmas came early for me this year... I've always wanted a wacom tablet and now I've got it, not to mention a spiffy new computer, scanner, camera and printer-Slenderthunder is all set! Expect to see lots of art here from now on....

But it may take me a while to figure out all the new gadgetry!



Sam and I were experimenting with the incredible selection of new brushes available.

SO cool. I love being able to draw with a pen instead of a clumsy ol' mouse.

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 06:14 PM | Pipe Up! (0)


Taken on Thanksgiving day with my very own brand new digital camera!!!

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 12:39 PM | Pipe Up! (0)
December 03, 2004
in which every chapter is better than the one before.

recognize the last line of a well known chronicle?

Sam and I just finished CS Lewis' Narnia series. It was so much fun reading it to my boy-holy schmoley, can you believe he's almost 7???-every morning, and evening and inbetween times... We went a little nuts and made it through all seven books in record time. Aslan's my hero, even if he does metamorphasize into Gawd at the end.

I'm so looking forward to our next trilogy. I just picked it up at Third Place Books, Madelaine L'Engle's 'Wrinkle in Time'. Another bigtime favorite of MY childhood, centuries ago... Practically at the dawn of time.


Love y'all! G'nite blogdom.

Time to tuckle meself in with a good book.

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 11:59 PM | Pipe Up! (0)
that's how we do it, we piss in the boot, and come out shooting...

watched a cool movie, twice this week.

Jess and I rented Iron-Jawed Angels for a slumberparty at her pad-it was nice and snuggly with popcorn, tea and pomagranites... although her kitty kept snarfin' on the popcorn when we weren't looking.

Then tonight, my roomie was watching it when I got home from class(silverclay part two-waaaaay cool shit) so I plunked myself down next to her, well, at least that's what I did after fryin' up a mess o' lamb and verygarlickychard, and rewatched the sucker.

Suffragists rock, women rule and, even though I couldn't deal with the prison force-feeding scenes a second time, it was totally worth watching again.

My other favorite line is: "In women and oranges, courage is often mistaken for insanity."


Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 11:37 PM | Pipe Up! (0)
December 02, 2004
yikes!-violence abounds

It's quite the week for nastiness, apparently.

One of my fellow massage practitioners, getting off work at night, was assaulted by a drunken couple. He made the mistake of trying to aid them, as they were stumbling in the street, knocking into moving cars... The man hit him in the jaw, and as he tried to call 911 on his cell phone, they beat on him, the woman yelling drunkenly that he had taken her phone. The police didn't even respond 'til four hours later.

Makes one think twice about being a good samaritan.

Earlier this week, the crazy ol' lady who lives across the street, the one with the surveillance cameras and reflective windows, assaulted her next door neighbor, a perfectly nice woman, for no reason at all, hitting her full in the face with both hands. Again, the police didn't show up 'til 4 hours later.

There was also a shooting on the street where I work, I wasn't there, but it seemed to be some sort of gunfight between two suv's. A passerby got a bullet in the shoulder.

Nuthin' like working in the city.

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 01:15 PM | Pipe Up! (3)
December 01, 2004
Kali says goodbye

and I didn't even get a picture of her! Luckily I know the lovely pagan who bought her.

Hey, I sold a painting!!! Whoohoo! Just the shot in the arm that my poor bank account needed. Massage is kinda slow right now...

Happy Kali-dancing Debra!

Straight from the Queen's mouth. Sayeth rzan at 11:02 PM | Pipe Up! (0)
Mountain dweller